Is it OK?
The question I ponder today is is it ok? Is it ok to be the "other woman" when you don't know you are the other woman? The reason I am even bringing this subject up is that my husband's ex-g/f recently labeled me as such and even though it has been 8 years, that label bothers me.
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now. We weren't together long before we got married and had a child. Yes the ultimate reason we got married was b/c I got pregnant but we were and still are in love. the story goes like this...
We were both in the Army and I met him when I arrived at my first duty station. He was actually one of the first guys that I had met...friend of a friend thing...At first I didn't like him. He was arrogant and way too into himself, and the way he was with the ladies didn't show me that he was committed to anyone. But he was...I had no idea...One night about a year and a half after we met, I was at the bar with some friends and he was there with his friends. He kept coming by my seat talking to me and well I had a few to drink. I knew him and I knew how he was but he was fun to dance with so...we started talking from that point on... And that was just it...talking...we were hanging out but nothing else was going on. Then my Grandfather died and I went home for a week. During that time he went back to see his g/f. I found this out later. But...when I got back from Alabama we were still talking. I remember sending him an e-mail and getting a reply back from a girl that I had no clue about and when I asked him he said she was an ex that had his password and wouldn't accept that they were broken up. I believed him. Should I have? at that point probably not but I did and I fell in love with him. Over that 4th of July weekend he had the opportunity to go with his friends to South Padre island and instead chose to take me to San Antonio to visit the old missions...it was a great trip and we had a wonderful weekend. That weekend sealed the deal for me...I knew I was in for the long haul and he made me realize that he was too. We finally talked about the "girl" from the e-mail and he told me that they had been on and off for a while and that she was trying her hardest to get him back and he had been stringing her along simply b/c he knew he could always fall back to her if he needed or wanted anything. It was a horrible relationship to say the least, and it was a horrible thing for him to do. I knew he had to make a decision of we were going to go any farther. The thing about their relationship is that they had been friends for a very long time and it is hard to just stop that. So....I had to suck up a lot those first few months...then I got pregnant...We found out in Aug and we had a decision to make. He was totally ready to make the commitment to me and our baby. I was too so we decided on a Thursday afternoon that we were getting married, got in the car, grabbed a few friends and did it. Our parents were not happy to say the least...his mom still hates me but is at least nice to my face most of the time. LOL My mom on the other hand LOVES him...she didn't at first but now she does.
But now....after all this time...I am friends with the" girl" The one that my husband said was the craziest woman on the planet. and I don't mean crazy fun I mean needs drugs to function in life crazy...Do I think she was crazy? well...I did hear a few of the phone conversations...it was a little desperate and seeking but...I may have been the same way after being in the relationship for a few years. And the things they went through...I know on a completely certain level that I would not have put up with the things he did or said to her. But....now that I know most of the long story....and I know I was the "other woman", is it ok that I was? Do you fault me for tearing apart her relationship? She says I am better for him, I was/am the right woman for him, but I think she still harbors some resentment for me...on some level she would have to right?
So I ask you...Is it OK to be the "other woman or man" when you are in the dark?
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now. We weren't together long before we got married and had a child. Yes the ultimate reason we got married was b/c I got pregnant but we were and still are in love. the story goes like this...
We were both in the Army and I met him when I arrived at my first duty station. He was actually one of the first guys that I had met...friend of a friend thing...At first I didn't like him. He was arrogant and way too into himself, and the way he was with the ladies didn't show me that he was committed to anyone. But he was...I had no idea...One night about a year and a half after we met, I was at the bar with some friends and he was there with his friends. He kept coming by my seat talking to me and well I had a few to drink. I knew him and I knew how he was but he was fun to dance with so...we started talking from that point on... And that was just it...talking...we were hanging out but nothing else was going on. Then my Grandfather died and I went home for a week. During that time he went back to see his g/f. I found this out later. But...when I got back from Alabama we were still talking. I remember sending him an e-mail and getting a reply back from a girl that I had no clue about and when I asked him he said she was an ex that had his password and wouldn't accept that they were broken up. I believed him. Should I have? at that point probably not but I did and I fell in love with him. Over that 4th of July weekend he had the opportunity to go with his friends to South Padre island and instead chose to take me to San Antonio to visit the old missions...it was a great trip and we had a wonderful weekend. That weekend sealed the deal for me...I knew I was in for the long haul and he made me realize that he was too. We finally talked about the "girl" from the e-mail and he told me that they had been on and off for a while and that she was trying her hardest to get him back and he had been stringing her along simply b/c he knew he could always fall back to her if he needed or wanted anything. It was a horrible relationship to say the least, and it was a horrible thing for him to do. I knew he had to make a decision of we were going to go any farther. The thing about their relationship is that they had been friends for a very long time and it is hard to just stop that. So....I had to suck up a lot those first few months...then I got pregnant...We found out in Aug and we had a decision to make. He was totally ready to make the commitment to me and our baby. I was too so we decided on a Thursday afternoon that we were getting married, got in the car, grabbed a few friends and did it. Our parents were not happy to say the least...his mom still hates me but is at least nice to my face most of the time. LOL My mom on the other hand LOVES him...she didn't at first but now she does.
But now....after all this time...I am friends with the" girl" The one that my husband said was the craziest woman on the planet. and I don't mean crazy fun I mean needs drugs to function in life crazy...Do I think she was crazy? well...I did hear a few of the phone conversations...it was a little desperate and seeking but...I may have been the same way after being in the relationship for a few years. And the things they went through...I know on a completely certain level that I would not have put up with the things he did or said to her. But....now that I know most of the long story....and I know I was the "other woman", is it ok that I was? Do you fault me for tearing apart her relationship? She says I am better for him, I was/am the right woman for him, but I think she still harbors some resentment for me...on some level she would have to right?
So I ask you...Is it OK to be the "other woman or man" when you are in the dark?
posted by In all things there is a little Evil. at 4:58 AM
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